Author: system

Children often shirk their responsibilities, and parents should be held accountable?

Children often shirk their responsibilities, and parents should be held accountable?


https://www.shutterstock.com/zh-Hant/image-photo/clueless-korean-girl-shrugging-shoulders-looking-1810298281 


Source: Psychotherapist, Lee Wai Tong

Whenever something happens, children will use different excuses to shirk their responsibility toward others. Parents may then scold the child for this, but this may make the child avoid taking responsibility. Faced with this situation, what can parents do?

First of all, when parents ask children, “Why didn’t you finish the work?” or “Why don’t you understand?” Parents want their children to take responsibility. But at this time, the child will want to shirk the responsibility and give it to someone else, but at the end of the day, the parents actually want the child to take responsibility. You should know that responsibility starts with the child having the time to make decisions because having the time is called having a sense of autonomy. If children can have a sense of autonomy, they will be more likely to be responsible.


https://www.shutterstock.com/zh-Hant/image-photo/asian-boy-academic-pressure-on-student-1034156419 


For example, if he does not know how to do his homework and is asked why he does not understand, he will say that the teacher did not teach him, the teacher did not teach him well, or that the other students were noisy. At that moment, if parents continue to say that he is not concentrating in class, they will only make the child throw the responsibility further away. So at this point, we need to know how to do better since we are facing difficulties and then work with the child to figure out how to do it.


The child will feel responsible for doing a good job, so naturally he will put the responsibility back on himself and let himself do it. And when children can do things on their own, they will be more willing to take responsibility. This is why I always say that the most important thing for parents is not to be accountable because accountability only teaches children to unload their responsibilities, while we can help our children take responsibility and accomplish things together. This is the most important lesson we often teach our children about responsibility.

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News

教育局提醒家長按統一派位程序為子女填選小學

教育局今日（一月十六日）提醒家長，如子女已參加二○二三年度小一入學統籌辦法而未獲自行分配學位，可透過統一派位獲派官立或資助小學的小一學位，有關家長須於一月三十日至二月五日期間選校。

小一入學申請電子化
——————————

　　為配合「智慧政府」策略，教育局今年起分階段將小一入學申請電子化。如家長已登記成為「小一入學電子平台」用戶並以「智方便+」綁定帳戶，可透過電子平台於一月三十日至二月五日遞交統一派位「選擇學校表格」。教育局鼓勵家長及早登記使用「智方便+」（www.iamsmart.gov.hk/tc/reg.html），以享用更方便快捷的小一學位分配服務。教育局網頁（www.edb.gov.hk/tc/edu-system/primary-secondary/spa-systems/primary-1-admission/POA_ePlatform/index.html）載有短片及家長指南，介紹啓動「小一入學電子平台」帳戶、登入帳戶及經電子平台辦理小一入學統一派位階段選校手續的詳情。

到統一派位中心辦理選校手續
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　　教育局將於一月十八日向各家長寄出選校通知書。為照顧不同家長的需要，家長仍可以紙本形式遞交「選擇學校表格」。他們可按通知書上的指定時段（即二月四日（星期六）上午九時三十分至下午十二時三十分或下午一時三十分至四時三十分，或二月五日（星期日）上午九時三十分至下午十二時三十分）前往指定統一派位中心辦理。

　　已成為「小一入學電子平台」用戶的家長可自行決定以電子平台或到統一派位中心遞交統一派位申請，但請勿遞交重複申請。倘若家長於一月三十日仍未接獲通知書，須盡快致電教育局學位分配組（熱線電話：2832 7700）查詢。

　　選校手續只須申請兒童的其中一位家長辦理，家長應盡量避免帶同子女前往統一派位中心。如家長未能於指定時段辦理選校手續，可於二月五日下午一時三十分至四時三十分到指定統一派位中心辦理。統一派位通知書會夾附「選擇學校表格」供家長預先填寫。

未能於指定期間遞交申請
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　　如個別家長因身在外地而未能使用「小一入學電子平台」或前往統一派位中心辦理選校手續，可授權親友帶同已填妥的「選擇學校表格」及家長簽署的「代辦選校手續」授權書以代辦有關手續。倘若上述家長未能親身或授權親友辦理統一派位手續，可以郵遞方式於二月五日或之前交回填妥表格。

　　若家長於二月五日後才為子女提出申請參加二○二三年度小一入學統籌辦法，他們須前往學位分配組辦理有關手續，學位分配組會於六月為申請兒童另行安排小一學位。　　

　　此外，如家長因確診2019冠狀病毒病須強制隔離而未能於指定日期辦理選校手續，可聯絡學位分配組以作適切安排。

更改住址
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　　教育局發言人提醒家長，如最近曾遷居或快將搬遷，必須盡快通知學位分配組，以便按新住址填選所屬小一學校網內的學校。家長必須填報子女的真確住址，倘若提供虛假住址以獲取學位，其子女的小一入學申請將會作廢，獲派的學位亦會被取消。

　　教育局設有查核機制，確認申請兒童是否屬於所填報的學校網，並已加強有關抽查工作。市民如懷疑有家長虛報住址以替其子女申請小一入學，可致電學位分配組舉報。一如以往，教育局定必對虛報住址的個案採取行動。

統一派位機制
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　　統一派位分為甲、乙兩部分。甲部佔統一派位學額的10%，為不受學校網限制的學校選擇，家長可選擇不超過三所位於任何學校網的官立或資助小學。乙部佔統一派位學額餘下的90%，居於有關學校網的申請兒童的家長，須選擇載列於其所屬學校網的《2023年度小一入學統一派位選校名單》內的小學；計劃跨境到港上學的申請兒童的家長則須選擇載列於《2023年度統一派位選校名單（計劃跨境到港上學的申請兒童）》內的小學。在填寫「選擇學校表格」時，家長應依照意願排列所選小學的先後次序。

　　統一派位機制基本上是以家長的選擇為依歸。派位電腦程序首先會處理甲部的學校選擇，然後處理乙部的學校選擇。若個別學校的申請人數多於其小一學額，電腦會按申請兒童的「隨機編號」決定分配學位的優先次序，務求公允。

　　教育局設有24小時自動電話查詢服務（電話：2891 0088），供家長聽取有關統一派位程序的資料。如在辦理選校手續日期內，本港遇上惡劣天氣或其他特殊情況，請留意電台及電視台公布有關的特別安排。

統一派位結果公布
—————————

　　已使用「智方便」或「智方便+」啓動「小一入學電子平台」帳戶的家長，可於六月七日透過電子平台查閱統一派位結果。家長如欲於六月七日透過電話短訊接收派位結果，請在「選擇學校表格」填選有關安排。此外，派位結果會於六月七至八日透過郵遞方式通知家長。
 完2023年1月16日（星期一）
香港時間15時12分

依賴奶樽影響牙床發展 自然戒奶樽有辦法

依賴奶樽影響牙床發展 自然戒奶樽有辦法

 

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh-Hant/image-photo/boy-sucking-bottle-milk-morning-while-1317459248 

 

撰文：註冊教育心理學家彭智華 

 

小朋友在嬰幼兒時間需要借助奶樽進食，但有不少小朋友到三歲，明明飲用其他飲料時會用其他杯子，但喝奶時仍然會依賴奶樽。長期使用奶樽會影響小朋友牙床發展，家長可以如何幫助小朋友戒奶樽呢？

首先我們要了解小朋友依賴奶樽的原因。小朋友可能因長時間與父母分離，令他們缺乏安全感，用奶樽就如「合法」用奶咀，可以為他們提供安全感。如果強行要小朋友戒奶樽可能會引致反效果，所以戒奶樽的方法都應該循序漸進。

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh-Hant/image-photo/asian-girl-drinking-milk-436399942 

 

就以學游水為例，如果想小朋友戒水泡，最好的方法是逐點逐點將水泡放氣，令小朋友慢慢適應不用水泡。希望小朋友戒奶樽的家長，可以將奶的份量逐漸減少，令小朋友不再依賴奶樽而獲得飽腹感，降低對奶樽的心理需求。

除此以外，家長亦可以嘗試在奶咀位多刺數個洞，增加小朋友喝奶流量，然後慢慢開大奶咀位，最後甚至可以剪開奶咀頭，讓小朋友如用飲管喝奶，好處是小朋友仍然聞到奶的氣味，熟悉的氣味可以令他們獲得安全感，同時不知不覺間戒掉奶樽。

Relying on milk bottles affects the development of the dental cavity. There are ways to quit naturally.

Relying on milk bottles affects the development of the dental cavity. There are ways to quit naturally.

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh-Hant/image-photo/boy-sucking-bottle-milk-morning-while-1317459248 

 

Written by: Registered educational psychologist, Pang Chi Wah

Children need to eat with the help of milk bottles during infant and toddler time. However, many children reach the age of three and use other cups to drink other beverages, but still   rely on milk bottles when drinking milk. Long-term use of milk bottles can affect the        development of children’s dental cavities. What can parents do to help their children quit    using bottles?

 First, we need to understand the reasons why children rely on milk bottles. Children may   be separated from their parents for long periods of time, making them feel insecure, and    using a milk bottle is like “legally” using a teat, providing them with a sense of security. If children are forced to stop using milk bottles, it may have the opposite effect, so the         method of quitting should be gradual.

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh-Hant/image-photo/asian-girl-drinking-milk-436399942 

In order to learn to swim, for example, if you want children to quit using swim rings, the    best way is to deflate them gradually so that children will slowly adapt to not using the     swim rings. Parents who want their children to stop using milk bottles can gradually reduce the amount of milk they give their children so that they no longer rely on bottles to get full and reduce their children’s psychological need for bottles.

In addition, parents can also try to prick a few more holes in the nipple to increase the flow of milk for children, then slowly open up the teat, and finally even cut it so that children    can drink milk with a straw. The advantage is that children can still smell the milk, and the familiar smell can make them feel safe, while unknowingly quitting the bottle.

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Parents Zone

Three steps to teach children to eat on their own

Three steps to teach children to eat on their own

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/infant-295873238 

Written by: Senior Parenting Specialist,Bally

When children go to school, they have to eat on their own. It is not an easy challenge to    teach children to eat well, as they have to eat attentively and refrain from playing with      food. In fact, parents only need three steps to teach their children to eat on their own.

First, parents need to teach their children to eat on their own. Parents are frequently          anxious for their children to finish their meals quickly, fearing that they will not eat and    will have to be fed by their parents. In fact, starting at 6 months of age, children should get used to using their own hands to put food in their mouths, with parents only assisting them.

Parents should let their children pick up the utensils and eat by themselves so that they do  not just get fed but also get a sense of participation and motivation to eat.

Second, help children with hand-eye coordination. Sometimes children may not be able to  hold the utensils properly because of their own hand-eye coordination issues and may be angry and not eat. Parents can use words to remind children how to move the utensils           backwards and forwards, or they can train children’s coordination skills on a daily basis so  that they can cope with the challenges of eating on their own and reduce the difficulties     they encounter.

Third, give praise and encouragement. Children will inevitably encounter difficulties and   frustrations when learning to eat. If parents keep scolding, “Why is it so messy?” “Why do you eat so slowly?” Naturally, children will not be able to enjoy food and will not eat on    their own initiative for fear of being scolded when they see food.


https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/baby-girl-eating-messy-spaghetti-691836133 

If parents provide encouragement at this time and praise their children when they do, they will continue to be courageous and overcome the frustration of learning to eat. Parents      should also remember that when children are eating on their own, don’t clean up after them, as this will prevent them from trying to eat on their own.

 

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/cheerful-asian-young-mother-having-fun-2002414976 

In addition, parents often misunderstand that their children do not eat. In fact, children just don’t like certain dishes, and if parents force them to eat, it forms a vicious cycle.


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Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone

教導小朋友自己進食三步曲

教導小朋友自己進食三步曲

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/infant-295873238 

撰文：資深親職教育專家Bally

小朋友上學後，便要自己進食。但要教好小朋友吃飯，絕對是一個不容易的挑戰，既要他們吃得專心，又要防止他們玩食物。其實父母只需3步就可以教導小朋友自律的進食。

第一，父母需要教小朋友自己進食。很多時候家長都會很心急，想子女快點吃完飯，怕他不吃飯，導致變成家長餵食。其實由6個月開始，便應該要讓小朋友習慣用自己手，將食物放進口裡，家長只是在旁輔助他。

家長讓小朋友自己拿起餐具進食，讓孩子在進食時不是一味地被餵食，而是能夠從中獲得參與感，從而令他們有動力進食。

第二，協助小朋友手眼協調。有時間小朋友會因自己手眼不協調，無法拿好餐具而賭氣不吃飯。家長可用說話提醒小朋友如何前後左右移動餐具，另外亦可在日常中訓練小朋友的協調能力，讓他們能夠自己應付進食時的挑戰，減少他們遇到的困難。

第三，給予讚賞鼓勵。小朋友在學習進食時難免會遇到困難和挫折，若家長不斷指責「點解食到周圍都係？」「點解咁污糟？」「點解食得咁慢？」小朋友自然無法享受食物，見到食物便會害怕被責罵，便不會主動自己食飯。

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/baby-girl-eating-messy-spaghetti-691836133 

如果家長在這時間給予鼓勵，並在孩子做到時稱讚他們，就能令他們繼續勇於嘗試，完服學習進食時的挫折。家長亦要謹記小朋友自己吃飯時，不要一邊清潔，這會阻礙小朋友自己嘗試吃飯。

 

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/cheerful-asian-young-mother-having-fun-2002414976 

另外，家長很多時候會誤以為小朋友不吃飯，是因為某碟菜式他不喜歡吃，然後強逼他進食，形成惡性循環。

 

Before becoming enraged at their children, parents should ask themselves these three questions

Before becoming enraged at their children, parents should ask themselves these three questions

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/homeschool-asian-young-little-girl-learning-1721513926 

Written by: Caritas Rehabilitation Services,Clinical Psychologist, Yu Kwok Ting

Some parents may be more impulsive and even have a habit of blaming their children for  problems such as disobedience, deliberate anger, or naughtiness. When children fail to do  what they want, they become angry with their parents, but this will gradually alienate them from their parents, which will damage the parent-child relationship in the long run.

Parents’ personalities, families of origin, and parenting methods learned in different ways  will affect parent-child relationships. And the adults’ thoughts will influence their mood. If adults find themselves in frequent conflicts with children, which affect the parent-child      relationship, we can ask ourselves three questions.

  1. Whether there are other possibilities

If a child is not able to do all the homework required by his or her parents, the first thing   the parents think is that the child is just having fun and not doing homework, but the real    reason may be that they do not know how to do it and need parental guidance. If parents    take preconceived notions as facts, they may ignore the needs and difficulties of their children and damage the parent-child relationship

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/little-asian-boy-frustrated-over-homework-1043979523 


2. Whether one’s own thoughts have been confirmed

Some parents often say that their child is “deliberately annoyed” and then see their child’s  behavior as disobedience, but perhaps the reason for the child’s behavior is carelessness,    but the parents are influenced by their subjective feelings and misunderstand their child.


3. Are your thoughts helpful to the goal?

If a parent’s goal is to mend the parent-child relationship, but he or she often holds the idea that the child is “deliberately working against him or her,” is this thinking really helpful to his or her goal? Parents can try to find more realistic and justifiable ideas to help them      achieve their goals.


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Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone

對孩子發怒前 家長先反問自己這3個問題

對孩子發怒前 家長先反問自己這3個問題

 

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/homeschool-asian-young-little-girl-learning-1721513926 

撰文：明愛康復服務臨床心理學家余國婷

有些家長性格可能比較衝動，甚至習慣將問題歸咎於孩子身上，例如孩子不聽話、故意激怒家長或頑皮等。而當孩子做不到自己要求時會對孩子發怒，但這樣會令孩子逐漸疏遠父母，長遠下來會破壞親子關係。

父母的性格、原生家庭及在不途徑學習的育兒方法，都會影響親子的相處模式及親子關係。而大人想法本身都會影響大人的心情，如果大人發現自己與小朋友相處，經常出現衝突，影響了親子關係，我們可以向自己反問3個問題：

1. 有否其他可能性

假如孩子不能按照父母要求完全功課，父母的第一想法大多是孩子只顧玩樂而不做功課，但真正原因可能是他們不懂得做，需要家長的指導，如果家長把先入為主的想法當作事實，可能就會忽略孩子的需要和困難，破壞親子關係。

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/little-asian-boy-frustrated-over-homework-1043979523 

2. 自己的想法有否被證實

有些家長常常說孩子是「故意惹怒他」，然後把孩子的行為看作是孩子不聽話，但可能孩子做出行為的原因只是不小心，但父母就被主觀感覺影響誤會了孩子。

3. 自己的想法對目標有幫助嗎？

如果家長的目標是希望修補親子關係，但自己經常抱持孩子是「故意和自己作對」的想法，這種想法對自己的目標真的有幫助嗎？家長可以嘗試找一些比較現實、有理據的想法，才能幫助自己達到目標。

Thousands of lies to avoid doing homework. What should parents do?

Thousands of lies to avoid doing homework. What should parents do?


https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/asian-pretty-girl-child-on-idea-652397980 


Written by: Family Dynamics, Psychological Counselor, Lai Shun Mei

Every time a child does homework, he or she falsely claims to have a stomachache, to go   to the bathroom, or to go to sleep—thousands of lies and excuses. Parents who value        character development are naturally outraged because they have zero tolerance for           dishonesty in their children. But why do children always avoid doing their homework?     Why do they have to lie to cover it up?

Often, children avoid doing homework not because they don’t want to, but because they     can’t. Children want to be good and smart, but when they find out they can’t do their homework, they think they are not smart enough. When they find out they can’t do their            homework, they think they are not smart enough. They can’t accept this and will lie to       cover it up and avoid it. Generally speaking, children with normal intelligence but learning disabilities will have their academic performance affected to some degree, but they can      perform well in other areas as well. Regardless of their intelligence level, with the right     approach and the right amount of training, they will be able to develop the appropriate      skills.


https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/schoolboy-disliking-bad-figures-93815359 

But why do people tell lies? When a person feels that he or she is in an uncomfortable      situation, he or she will activate the defense mechanism to protect himself or herself. Lying is one of the ways to escape a crisis. If parents want to help their children, they need to     give them the courage to tell the truth so that they can understand what their children really don’t understand.

How do you get your child to be brave enough to tell the truth? You need to let your child know that even if he or she is not smart enough, you will still love him or her so much,     take pleasure in him or her, be patient with him or her, and work together to help him or    her solve their problems, thus building his or her sense of security and giving him or her    the peace of mind to reveal his or her innermost doubts and difficulties. But on the           contrary, if his experience makes him think that he is not smart enough, which will lead to his mother’s anger and complaints, he will not dare to tell the truth and even activate his     self-protection mechanism to protect himself with lies that adults can uncover at first        glance.


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Not only will the child be unable to protect himself, but he will also get into more trouble  because the mother will be rehabilitated and will admit her fault and promise not to lie      again. But in fact, his homework difficulties are not solved, creating a vicious cycle.         Therefore, we encourage parents to learn to accept their children’s shortcomings so that     they will have confidence in you and feel safe to open up to you.

千萬種謊言逃避做功課 家長如何是好？

千萬種謊言逃避做功課 家長如何是好？


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撰文：家庭動力心理輔導員賴舜薇 


小朋友每次做功課，都訛稱自己肚痛、要上洗手間或想睡覺，千萬種謊言與藉口。重視品格培養的家長自然會感到嬲怒，因為他們對子女不誠實的行為都是零容忍的。但為甚麼孩子總是逃避做功課？為甚麼他們又要以謊言去掩飾呢？


小朋友逃避做功課，很多時不是他們不願意做，而是做不到。小朋友都會希望自己又乖巧又聰明，但當他們發現自己做不到功課，便會認為自己不夠聰明。他無法接受，便會以說謊來掩飾和逃避。一般而言，智力正常但有學習障礙的小朋友，他們的學業表現都會受到一定程度的影響，但在其他方面，他們一樣可以表現出色。而且不論他們智力水平高低，只要使用對的方法，加上適量訓練，他們亦能建立相應能力。


https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/schoolboy-disliking-bad-figures-93815359 


但人為甚麼會說謊呢？當一個人覺得自己處於不安的環境時，便會啟動防衛機制保護自己。而說謊便是其中一種以逃避方式來應對危機的表現。如果家長希望幫到子女，便要讓他勇於說真話，這樣家長才能理解子女真正不明白的地方。


如何令子女勇於說真說話？你要讓子女知道，即使他不夠聰明，你依然會這麼愛她，以他為喜樂，對他有耐性，並且會一起想辦法協助他解決困難，從而建立他的安全感，讓他安心透露內心的不明白與困難。但相反，若其經驗令他認為因他不夠聰明，會引來媽媽對他發脾氣及埋怨，他便不敢說真話，甚至啟動自我保護機制，用大人一看便能拆穿的謊言保護自己。


https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/young-asian-preteen-teenager-boy-showing-1487363702 


這時候孩子不但無法保護自己，更會惹來更大的麻煩，因為媽媽會更生氣，便會主動認錯，又會承諾不再說謊。惟事實上，他功課的困難並未解決，形成造成惡性循環。因此，我們鼓勵家長學習接納子女的不足，令子女對你有信心，覺得安全，自然對你敞開心扉。